blogtember day 6

Tuesday, September 10: Describe a distinct moment when your life took a turn.

well, well, this post could very well be about anxiety. again.  the main sharp turn in my life. i could write about coming down with food poisoning while driving home from l.a. on the freeway, vomiting all over my jacket and spending an hour in the denny's bathroom barfing up a lung.  i could write about how after that my stomach was shot and i started waking up anxious as hell with a tight swirling stomach but not realizing it was anxiety and instead thinking there was something wrong with me for months until i finally saw a commercial for paxil and i realized what it was. i could literally write a book about all the crap i have been through since that one incident, and by the way, apparently anxiety disorder symptoms *can* manifest itself in one episode and you're kind of screwed from then on.  (and then you look back at your life and realize you were always high-strung.)

but i don't want everything in my life to be about that.  and it's not, really.  i can't think of any other distinct singular moment, but i can think of little tiny moments that added up to my life now.  

i met my fiance online. we've been together for over 13 years. he is my best friend and is the most important person in the world to me. and i almost never met him.

if i hadn't been listening to the radio that one summer morning before college started. (and honestly, what was i doing listening to the radio on a summer morning? that's sleeping time, yo!)  for some weird reason, and now that i think about it i've never heard anything like that on the radio since, the station was previewing a new album by the band, dishwalla.  i only knew "counting blue cars" but this new stuff was great.  the radio show played about a minute of each song and by the end of the preview i knew i wanted to get the album. so i did and played it constantly and drove my mom a little crazy, i'm sure.

if i hadn't fallen in love with the album, i wouldn't have gone to a dishwalla show.  i was walking to school one bright march morning and just happened to turn my walkman off to listen to the radio (which i hardly ever do, that's another thing.  and yes, walkman.  this was '99 and i didn't even own a cd player yet.. haha.)  so i'm listening to whatever station and they announced a dishwalla show. in my new college town (l.a.). and i could go!  

some baby-faced girl and the guitarist from dishwalla.

 if i hadn't gone to the dishwalla show, i wouldn't have seen the openers, one of which was kara's flowers. i fell.in.love.  they were *so* good.  the other openers, phantom planet, were also awesome.  my first concert (in a club, not a stadium), and i hit the jackpot. (it didn't hurt that the girl in the apartment next to me brought her friend who knew dishwalla and we got to go backstage.  yeah, that's right.. my first concert and i'm already chillin like a groupie?  whaaaat? *high-five* haha.)  

if i hadn't seen the openers, my life wouldn't have changed.  of course, this whole thing is a life-wouldn't-be-the-same type of scenario, but my life really did change because of that.  i started going to kf/pp shows and became what i termed a "club kid," which really would have worked out a whole lot better if i'd had a car and friends in the city and money to go more places.  as it was i just went to as many shows as possible, became acquainted with many different people in "the scene," and just had an awesome spring/summer/fall/winter. basically my version of club kid was just being on the fringes of being a scenester. only i wasn't really cool.  i did, however, totally nerd out and create a tribute website for kara's flowers, which i had fallen hard for.  i told people they made the music my soul would make if it could make music.  which sounds totally lame now, i know, but it's actually still true.  i mean, my soul *now* wouldn't sound like kara's flowers sounded then, but at the time it did and i still totally stand by that.  it was like they had gone into the core of me and played what they saw. looking back the music isn't as amazing as i thought, but my tastes have changed just a bit and i still say their music at the time was solid. not *the best* but really damn good.

"club kid." i don't even know.

want to see some more?  i know you do.

the "cutting my own hair" phase. i'd do it again too if i could get away with this style.

24/7 rock.  and blowpops?

oh, i loved my baby pink watch.

and then i tinted my hair green.

 if i hadn't made the website, i wouldn't have met tom.  tom was in another band, out of richmond, va, and he e-mailed me that spring to let me know they were coming to l.a. that summer for a music festival of sorts, and would be sharing the bill with kf. long story short, we became very good e-mail/aim (this was back when we were all on aim, omg we're old!) friends.  (his band didn't end up making it out that summer, but they did end up coming out the summer of '00.)  as it turns out, mark, my fiance, had been friends with tom for awhile at this point, but i still hadn't met him yet.

if i hadn't gone to all these shows and made the website, i wouldn't have met my friend k at a show, and another girl online. these were the days of message boards and do they still have those anymore?  anyway, i introduced k and girl online and they became friendly. in the summer of '99 girl and two of her friends flew out to l.a. and stayed with k and i drove out to visit with them.  well k and i kind of got left behind a lot when the others went to see band people, so one night i was really bummed about it and k and i said eff this and we busted out the l.a. weekly and looked at the show offerings of a tuesday night (or whatever night it was) and went into hollywood to see a new songwriter i'd heard on the radio the week before.  (which, ok this is also weird, i was doing my hairs in the bathroom, turned to a local station, and i hear tom's band on the radio!  the dj was doing his pick of the week and somehow their album ended up in his hands and he played one of their songs.  so of course i was all excited and kept listening to see if he'd do any more.  he didn't, but i did hear an interview with a local singer-songwriter, jason falkner.  he played a few songs and i really liked them, and he plugged his show.  i had forgotten this when i opened the paper to look for shows and i was like, wait, i know that guy, let's go!)  his show was, to say the least, amazing. so, so good. he is still one of my favorite artists today. i bought his newest album at the show and proceeded to listen the hell out of it.

mr. j.f. on the night of.

 annnd, if i hadn't gone to jason's show, i wouldn't have liked him and i wouldn't have listed him as a favorite in my profile on tom's band's message board, and several months later mark wouldn't have seen that we had so much in common (jason was probably his favorite artist at that point), and he wouldn't have e-mailed this cool girl (me) to see what was shakin'. 

me, the day mark first e-mailed me. he had no idea. and that is a jf shirt.

after many days of e-mailing and long nights of chit-chatting, we decided that we fit pretty well together and would probably make a good couple.  we official met on mark's birthday in '00 when he flew out to visit me.  we hung out, went to shows, went to tom's band's show that they flew out for, went to disneyland, knott's berry farm, and the beach, and basically decided that we were a match. 

two tiny children at disneyland.
(oh hey, look, it's my princess tiara)

 so, there ya go.  little moments of decisions that led down the road to love.  awww.