Friday, September 13, 2013

blogtember day 9

Friday, September 13: A self portrait

here's a selfie i took in july on my mini-staycation.

yeah, that's pretty much accurate on an every other day basis.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

blogtember day 8

Thursday, September 12: Discuss ways that blogging or social media has changed you.

i don't feel that i've been doing this long enough or have had enough interactions to say that blogging has changed me.  and i haven't really given thought as to how social media has changed me.  i guess i am more aware of taking photos and recording things in my mind to tell later or to make little quips to be interesting. it's good in a way because it makes you look out for the little things, but in another way it's more artificial than letting it happen organically.  so it has it's mix, like all things i guess.

let's talk about pre-social media, pre-blogging, pre-online journals.  what am i talking about?  a diary.  a teen girl's diary.  i was looking for something this morning before work and i found a handful of half-full diaries from my formative years.  oh, the memories, the excitement, the humiliation.  i did a quick read through at lunch and had to keep from laughing out loud, some of my entries were so funny.  and some of my kid-mind insights were surprisingly relevant.  and lucky you, i'm going to share some snippets (original spelling and all):

"Friday, October 15, '93 -  Tomorow we're going to the beach. I hope I can play v-ball. I like the name Barky. I wouldn't mind if people called me that I guess."
wtf?  barky?  i have no idea where i got that from or why on earth i thought it sounded good.  

"Tuesday, October 26, '93 - Today I signed up for to be drug free. I got a button and a pencil."
whoo,  a button *and* a pencil? just for "to be"ing drug free?  gimme that pledge sheet!

"Monday, November 13, '93 - I keep thinking about M. I don't know if I like him. I might decide weather or not to decide to like him again."
so shrewd, right? it's like "sex and the city" or something. you make him work for it, little christine!

[talking about my "dean cain fever"] "5/10/94 - I wish "Superman" was on every single night. I want to write more so I can prove how much I like him but I'm just to tired. I'm really, really, really sorry."
haha.. i love how i felt i had to apologize to the universe via my diary for not "proving" my love for a celebrity by getting carpal tunnel syndrome. 

[on being over liking M and my current disdain for him] "Wednesday, 9, 21, 94 - May God have mercy on me that I never be that idiotic again."
oh kid, the sentiment is nice, but just you wait.

"Nov 5, 94 sat. - I like A. sometimes I'll be just hanging around and then I'll think about him and wonder why I like him. then I'll go to 6th period and everytime he looks at me I'll feel weird and like, I notice everything he does."
i mean, right?  this is pretty much every crush i ever had, and i suspect you know what i'm talking about.

i'll leave you with this last selection - it's probably my favorite one:
"Sunday, 1, 1, 1995 9:56 pm - Over winter vacation I saw Little Women. Wynona Ryder was Jo. She was so good. She is so pretty. If I could wish to have her face and she'd have a different one I would.
look out Winona - christine is coming for your face.  

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

blogtember day 7

Wednesday, September 11: Share links to your favorite online shops, preferably with a few photos of your favorite items in each shop.
so.. i don't really have a favorite online shop.  unless you count target or amazon.  i don't shop online too often. shipping is expensive and i need to try on clothes before buying. the only thing i've splurged on in any recent history is pacifica products..  am i allowed to keep my blog if i admit that i've never bought anything from modcloth?

instead of sharing some fun shopping, i will instead share an anecdote from last night. anyone who converses with me on a regular basis will at some point get to hear about my wacked out dreams.  and then they laugh and laugh.  i have multiple dreams every night, often reoccurring.  sometimes i feel like i didn't get any sleep for all the adventures i went on.  it can be tiring!  

last night took the cake though.  not in content, but in... action?  i'm not sure what to call this experience.  i dreamed i put something in my mouth i didn't like the taste of, and i spit it out, very sloppily and forcefully. i must have been near wakefulness, because about a minute later i woke up to find... i had legit spit on myself.  IRL.  slobber was running down my cheek and onto my neck/ear parts and the pillow. i was all groggy, and  like, "am i still dreaming?  how did this... waaaaat????
now i've heard of sleepwalking (i used to when i was young), sleep eating, even sleep sex and sleep driving.  but i've never heard of someone spitting on themselves while sleeping.  

i'm just going to assume this is a sign of some sort of hidden genius.   that sounds good... let's go with that.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

blogtember day 6

Tuesday, September 10: Describe a distinct moment when your life took a turn.

well, well, this post could very well be about anxiety. again.  the main sharp turn in my life. i could write about coming down with food poisoning while driving home from l.a. on the freeway, vomiting all over my jacket and spending an hour in the denny's bathroom barfing up a lung.  i could write about how after that my stomach was shot and i started waking up anxious as hell with a tight swirling stomach but not realizing it was anxiety and instead thinking there was something wrong with me for months until i finally saw a commercial for paxil and i realized what it was. i could literally write a book about all the crap i have been through since that one incident, and by the way, apparently anxiety disorder symptoms *can* manifest itself in one episode and you're kind of screwed from then on.  (and then you look back at your life and realize you were always high-strung.)

but i don't want everything in my life to be about that.  and it's not, really.  i can't think of any other distinct singular moment, but i can think of little tiny moments that added up to my life now.  

i met my fiance online. we've been together for over 13 years. he is my best friend and is the most important person in the world to me. and i almost never met him.

if i hadn't been listening to the radio that one summer morning before college started. (and honestly, what was i doing listening to the radio on a summer morning? that's sleeping time, yo!)  for some weird reason, and now that i think about it i've never heard anything like that on the radio since, the station was previewing a new album by the band, dishwalla.  i only knew "counting blue cars" but this new stuff was great.  the radio show played about a minute of each song and by the end of the preview i knew i wanted to get the album. so i did and played it constantly and drove my mom a little crazy, i'm sure.

if i hadn't fallen in love with the album, i wouldn't have gone to a dishwalla show.  i was walking to school one bright march morning and just happened to turn my walkman off to listen to the radio (which i hardly ever do, that's another thing.  and yes, walkman.  this was '99 and i didn't even own a cd player yet.. haha.)  so i'm listening to whatever station and they announced a dishwalla show. in my new college town (l.a.). and i could go!  

some baby-faced girl and the guitarist from dishwalla.
 if i hadn't gone to the dishwalla show, i wouldn't have seen the openers, one of which was kara's flowers. i  they were *so* good.  the other openers, phantom planet, were also awesome.  my first concert (in a club, not a stadium), and i hit the jackpot. (it didn't hurt that the girl in the apartment next to me brought her friend who knew dishwalla and we got to go backstage.  yeah, that's right.. my first concert and i'm already chillin like a groupie?  whaaaat? *high-five* haha.)  

if i hadn't seen the openers, my life wouldn't have changed.  of course, this whole thing is a life-wouldn't-be-the-same type of scenario, but my life really did change because of that.  i started going to kf/pp shows and became what i termed a "club kid," which really would have worked out a whole lot better if i'd had a car and friends in the city and money to go more places.  as it was i just went to as many shows as possible, became acquainted with many different people in "the scene," and just had an awesome spring/summer/fall/winter. basically my version of club kid was just being on the fringes of being a scenester. only i wasn't really cool.  i did, however, totally nerd out and create a tribute website for kara's flowers, which i had fallen hard for.  i told people they made the music my soul would make if it could make music.  which sounds totally lame now, i know, but it's actually still true.  i mean, my soul *now* wouldn't sound like kara's flowers sounded then, but at the time it did and i still totally stand by that.  it was like they had gone into the core of me and played what they saw. looking back the music isn't as amazing as i thought, but my tastes have changed just a bit and i still say their music at the time was solid. not *the best* but really damn good.

"club kid." i don't even know.
want to see some more?  i know you do.

the "cutting my own hair" phase. i'd do it again too if i could get away with this style.

24/7 rock.  and blowpops?

oh, i loved my baby pink watch.

and then i tinted my hair green.
 if i hadn't made the website, i wouldn't have met tom.  tom was in another band, out of richmond, va, and he e-mailed me that spring to let me know they were coming to l.a. that summer for a music festival of sorts, and would be sharing the bill with kf. long story short, we became very good e-mail/aim (this was back when we were all on aim, omg we're old!) friends.  (his band didn't end up making it out that summer, but they did end up coming out the summer of '00.)  as it turns out, mark, my fiance, had been friends with tom for awhile at this point, but i still hadn't met him yet.

if i hadn't gone to all these shows and made the website, i wouldn't have met my friend k at a show, and another girl online. these were the days of message boards and do they still have those anymore?  anyway, i introduced k and girl online and they became friendly. in the summer of '99 girl and two of her friends flew out to l.a. and stayed with k and i drove out to visit with them.  well k and i kind of got left behind a lot when the others went to see band people, so one night i was really bummed about it and k and i said eff this and we busted out the l.a. weekly and looked at the show offerings of a tuesday night (or whatever night it was) and went into hollywood to see a new songwriter i'd heard on the radio the week before.  (which, ok this is also weird, i was doing my hairs in the bathroom, turned to a local station, and i hear tom's band on the radio!  the dj was doing his pick of the week and somehow their album ended up in his hands and he played one of their songs.  so of course i was all excited and kept listening to see if he'd do any more.  he didn't, but i did hear an interview with a local singer-songwriter, jason falkner.  he played a few songs and i really liked them, and he plugged his show.  i had forgotten this when i opened the paper to look for shows and i was like, wait, i know that guy, let's go!)  his show was, to say the least, amazing. so, so good. he is still one of my favorite artists today. i bought his newest album at the show and proceeded to listen the hell out of it.
mr. j.f. on the night of.
 annnd, if i hadn't gone to jason's show, i wouldn't have liked him and i wouldn't have listed him as a favorite in my profile on tom's band's message board, and several months later mark wouldn't have seen that we had so much in common (jason was probably his favorite artist at that point), and he wouldn't have e-mailed this cool girl (me) to see what was shakin'. 

me, the day mark first e-mailed me. he had no idea. and that is a jf shirt.

after many days of e-mailing and long nights of chit-chatting, we decided that we fit pretty well together and would probably make a good couple.  we official met on mark's birthday in '00 when he flew out to visit me.  we hung out, went to shows, went to tom's band's show that they flew out for, went to disneyland, knott's berry farm, and the beach, and basically decided that we were a match. 

two tiny children at disneyland.
(oh hey, look, it's my princess tiara)

 so, there ya go.  little moments of decisions that led down the road to love.  awww.

Monday, September 9, 2013

blogtember day 5

Monday, September 9: Take this short personality test and respond to your results. (at the end, find the detailed profile of your personality account - click "click to view" under "You" and "self awareness and personal growth." You can even google your type and find more info on it!)

well i took this the other day and thought i had bookmarked the results, but i can't find them anywhere.  i seem to recall it said i was an introvert who was sensitive to others and gave too much of myself to help people because i'm so empathetic to them.

first of all, i am definitely an introvert.  i know there's a lot of social media right now talking about being introverted, and i feel a tiny bit like i'm jumping on the bandwagon, but i honestly didn't realize i was an introvert until this year.  i knew i had tendencies, but there have also been times i've been a typical leo, the center of attention, and loving it.  so i really wasn't sure where i was on the scale.  i'd taken these types of quizzes before but they never seemed totally accurate.  what i learned this year is that you can have aspects of introvert and extrovert both.  it's what typically reenergizes you that counts.  i realized that i absolutely need to have alone time to chill and recharge on a regular basis, practically daily (in addition to lots of other introvert qualities) so that part of the quiz was accurate.

what i didn't find so accurate was that i give of myself to the point of my own detriment due to being so empathetic.  the results were partly right - i *am* a really empathetic person.  but i don't really give of myself.  i found it interesting that a test can show you what kind of personality you have, but it can't tell you how you actually act.  which is influenced by life experiences.  which, i'm thinking now, is probably why most quizzes like this aren't totally accurate.  and why don't i act how the test said?  i don't give of myself too much because of my anxiety.  i've kind of had to shut down the caring part in order to take care of myself.  i just don't have any room left for anyone else.  and of course the test had all these questions about how i feel about things and what i do in situations, which were conflicting, but i guess this test had more feeling questions than action questions.

anyway, that was a whole lot of ramble to say while i didn't find this totally accurate, i did learn a few things about why i don't always fit with the answers to these types of quizzes.

Friday, September 6, 2013

blogtember day 4

Friday, September 6: A story about a time you were very afraid.

this one is hard for me because i really don't like to remember negative things, much less write them down so i can reread them whenever i wish for all the days every after.  skipping back over my memories i can think of a lot of times i was afraid, even very afraid.  it's revealing in a way because i find that most of the circumstances that pop into my head are the times when i was afraid because i made a mistake and was afraid of the consequences.  since "growing up" i've discovered that i've always had a somewhat high-strung personality, and it's honestly no surprise that i am most afraid when my oversights and wrong decisions have created failures that affect others. it's funny because i don't feel like i was overly judged as a child or that i couldn't make mistakes or that i had to be perfect. so i'm not sure where this fear comes from, but i could probably spend a few therapy sessions in trying to figure that out.

as far as incidents, i've done a couple of doozies in my working life, and each time i got so nervous and afraid about possible repercussions.  one time i worked in a two-person office and the manager/owner was away for the day (as was his wont - that's a whole other story), and i went to lunch and forgot to lock the door. i was gone almost the whole hour and when i realized it i was SO worried the place had gotten ransacked and SO relieved when i got back and it was safe. oh gosh, i also spilled water on his laptop that we ran the business on (when he was on yet another vacation) and the thing fritzed out. i had only been working there a few weeks at most and was SO stressed and anxious i wanted to vomit.  i almost abandoned ship with that one.. just like, smell ya later!  haha.  i think the only reason i didn't was because he had all my info (you know, ss# and address for records and stuff).  i might have seriously considered it if i could have disappeared into the night!

another time i was working as a leasing agent and i forgot to tell the new resident that the closet in the available apartment was smaller than the closet in the model. she moved in and then came into the rental office to complain and i was like *oh crap!* because the manager had stressed that we needed to tell potential residents that fact.  the resident was not happy at all and i felt like she felt i had lied to her.  i had no idea what the manager would do; i was sure i was going to get fired and i got so stressed i hid in the storeroom closet and cried.. haha. i can laugh about it now but at the time it was not fun. (my co-worker told the manager i was in the closet and she came in and told me it was ok and gave me a hug. she must have thought i was looney!)

even in my current job i have dropped the ball, or even put my foot in it, a few times. i'm getting better about not freaking out over mistakes, but it's also a lot easier when you have a boss that will support you and not throw you under the bus or scream at you.  the best thing is to just own up to it, apologize, and commit to rectifying the situation as best as you can. and if that's not enough?  then you've done what you can and like that old song...

Thursday, September 5, 2013

blogtember day 3

Thursday, September 5: Pass on some useful advice or information you learned and always remembered. 

i don't really have anything specific i've learned and always remembered (if i do, i'm forgetting right now), but i do have a few little helpful tidbits to share that i find make life more enjoyable or easier.
  • always save your receipts for a little longer than you think you should.  and put them all together in a place you won't forget.  you never know if, two months from now, you'll see that same exact top on sale for 50%.  buy it and return it with the old receipt.
  • brush your teeth in the shower. if you're a hot water addict like me, you'll love an excuse to stand under the water for longer.  brush until your teeth feel smooth, and enjoy the hot water.  the last time i went to the dentist it had been about 2 years since my last cleaning and he said i was doing a great job.  
  • find little things that make you happy and do them, eat them, buy them, enjoy them, use them, make them, whatever.  it's really the little things in life that keep you sane in between the big happinesses.
  • if you are in a fight and your significant other is trying to make up, don't hold a grudge just to be right or to punish them. i admit this is a hard one for me. i also admit i  used to be a lot worse about apologizing. this is the person you chose to love and be with though, so why would you want to hurt them on purpose?
  • use google calendar (or another online calendar) to track your bills. i like that one because it has color coding and a notes section so when i pay my bill i can change the color and also put the online confirmation code into the notes, in case there's an issue later on.
  • use made up answers to online security questions.  that way, even though everyone knows that your dad's name is harry, they'll never guess that when a site asks you that question you would enter peter.
hopefully some of these are a little helpful!

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

blogtember day 2

Wednesday, September 4: If you could take three months off from your current life and do anything in the world, what would you do?

oh, this would be amazing.  can i pretend i don't have anxiety and can do anything i wanted?  can i pretend i have a bunch of money too?

if, i didn't have to worry about anything, and if i had a lot of money, i'd love to spend an entire summer on the mediterranean, just yachting up and down the coast, pulling in little coves and harbors, eating fresh seafood and swimming in the sea.  oh, that would be lovely.  of course the yacht wouldn't be so little and i would want a captain and a chef, and maybe a butler, and someone to clean.. i'm thinking "overboard" here.. haha.

i would just love to be out on the water (but not so far that i can't see land!) and be able to sun and eat and dive overboard whenever i wanted.  of course, i've never been anywhere near the mediterranean, so it could be just awful, but that's not what i'm imagining.  i'm thinking very "this side of paradise,"fitzgeralds on the rivera, fine dining, and fancy living, while still enjoying the simple beauty of nature and moments.  i'd also want to take a few excursions inland to see some sights like pompeii.

actually, i lied.  i want to go to the gold coast in australia.  rent a little cottage and travel around a bit, go to the beach and inland.  the scenery there is SO beautiful.

this one is actually my desktop and i don't remember where i got it!
there's a movie that i love, "danny deckchair," and the town he ends up in (filmed in bellengin, nsw) is like a tropical stars hallow.  i just love it.  i'd like to visit there too.  might as well if i'm down under!  i'd finish my antipodean adventure with a little trip to some northern sydney beaches.

if i had to stay stateside, i wouldn't kick this mansion in corona del mar, ca out of bed.  i highly recommend clicking through to the site - this house is CRAY CRAY!  i can't even with this place.  i could stay here for three months so good.  and it's close to l.a. for prime show-going opportunities. 

i want to go to there!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

blogtember day 1

Tuesday, Sept. 3:  Describe where or what you come from. The people, the places, and/or the factors that make up who you are.

i come from new mexico, southern california, and now virginia.  i come from painted deserts and wild mountains; sopapillas, mesas, and native american influences.  i come from camping and fishing; crystal-cold winter nights and afternoon thunderstorms.  i come from santa ana winds, palm trees, and foamy crashing waves; smoggy days and soft orange-blossom scented spring nights.  i come from weekends at the beach, sandy feet, and eating crab chowder at dusk; riding through l.a., being "with the band" and a part of "the scene."  and now i come from fireflies and chittering squirrels; endless trees and history-soaked cobblestones.  

i come from a single-parent household, the daughter of a strong single-mom who went back to school for her phd in soil chemistry, two states away from any relatives or friends, and who taught me how to fish, sing my heart out, mend clothes, play volleyball, roast a turkey, stretch a dollar, drive a stick, and take time to be silly.  

i come from over a decade of struggling with anxiety, and while i've adapted some good coping methods, i'm still learning every day. 

i also come from over a decade of a loving relationship with someone who is my best friend, who takes care of me when i need it and sometimes when i just want it, who gets the spider crickets for me, picks up take out when i'm on my way home, takes out the trash, rubs my back, and gives me ample cuddles, and who comes with parents who treat me like their own.

i'm sure there is so much more that i could mention, but those are the things that have come to mind tonight.  the big stuff.

now it's time to eat some liz lemon greek frozen yogurt and resume the newest episodes of "the league" that netflix finally put up!

Monday, September 2, 2013


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alright, this is ON!  until i don't feel like it anymore and then i will quit.  because that's what sloths do!

oh and p.s., remember how i said i had my last shopping hurrah?  yeah, that was a falsehood i told, even though i didn't know it at the time.  i went back to the jcp for more goods.  and i may have signed up for their credit card in order to get a discount. ok, but for reals this time, NO MORE SHOPPING!  i'm doing a spending freeze for the rest of september, which in my world doesn't official start until tomorrow.

anyone want to freeze with me?

Summer's Over

oh, summer. i will really miss you. the sun, the gentle breezes, playing in the water. the australian mermaid shows, the bats flying at dusk, the nautically-themed clothes. i was never a huge summer fan growing up (with no air-conditioning in the so cal desert - who thought that was a good idea?!) but i've come to really enjoy it now. (the air-conditioning probably helps.) so i will just say farewell and look forward to a nice fall, a short winter, and the return of spring and sun and lovely days.

and as i have absolutely nothing going on this labor day (what, no bbq? *sadface*), i will just be doing laundry and crying salty tears into my faded aqua hair whist listening to this song by Rialto.

goodbye for now, summer, and don't take too long coming back!

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Birthday Haul 2013

Birthday Haul 2013

birthday month has come to a close, so i guess that means it's time to stop buying stuff and calling them presents. *shameful grin*  i have a bad habit of not keeping track of monetary gifts and continuing to shop with the impression that i have money in the kitty.  so, i'm cutting myself off now, but not after one last hurrah i went on today. i got the shirts above and some bra/undies sets for my trousseau. some of these things i'm putting away to enjoy in the coming seasons (fall: boots, apple lotion; spring/summer: floral purse, nautical shirt, the pacifica stuff and the other B&BW stuff).  i'm also saving the new travis album for until after their tour comes through my nearest city... the show is in a seated theater (ugh) and since i passed up $45 tickets to sit in the front row of the balcony, that's my decision pretty much made that i'm not going.  unless some anonymous donor sends me some front row tix.  the point is, i'm putting off the listening because i know if i like it i'll get all mopey about not being able to go. 

one thing i finally did with some of my birthday money is open my first savings account.  i'm all growns up!  i always have bills and/or anticipated possible bills so when i'd get a tax return or windfall i'd hold on to the money in my checking account so it'd be available. (i've always had this idea that if you put it in a savings about you can't get to it, and i know that's not true, but it still made me uncomfortable.)  what usually happens is that i buy a little something extra here and there, pay a few bills, and before i know it the money's all gone.  so this time i did the smart thing and put it where i figuratively can't get to it.  i feel good about that and hopefully i can continue putting a bit of cash in here and there.   

and because i know you want to see photos, here is what a new 33-year-old looks like:
i may have worn my disneyland tiara all day.  yup, yup i did.  and i may have been told at bedtime that i looked like frankenstein's bride with my stripe of light hair, and requested a photo of such. and no, no i really don't have much shame.