blogtember day 4

Friday, September 6: A story about a time you were very afraid.

this one is hard for me because i really don't like to remember negative things, much less write them down so i can reread them whenever i wish for all the days every after.  skipping back over my memories i can think of a lot of times i was afraid, even very afraid.  it's revealing in a way because i find that most of the circumstances that pop into my head are the times when i was afraid because i made a mistake and was afraid of the consequences.  since "growing up" i've discovered that i've always had a somewhat high-strung personality, and it's honestly no surprise that i am most afraid when my oversights and wrong decisions have created failures that affect others. it's funny because i don't feel like i was overly judged as a child or that i couldn't make mistakes or that i had to be perfect. so i'm not sure where this fear comes from, but i could probably spend a few therapy sessions in trying to figure that out.

as far as incidents, i've done a couple of doozies in my working life, and each time i got so nervous and afraid about possible repercussions.  one time i worked in a two-person office and the manager/owner was away for the day (as was his wont - that's a whole other story), and i went to lunch and forgot to lock the door. i was gone almost the whole hour and when i realized it i was SO worried the place had gotten ransacked and SO relieved when i got back and it was safe. oh gosh, i also spilled water on his laptop that we ran the business on (when he was on yet another vacation) and the thing fritzed out. i had only been working there a few weeks at most and was SO stressed and anxious i wanted to vomit.  i almost abandoned ship with that one.. just like, smell ya later!  haha.  i think the only reason i didn't was because he had all my info (you know, ss# and address for records and stuff).  i might have seriously considered it if i could have disappeared into the night!

another time i was working as a leasing agent and i forgot to tell the new resident that the closet in the available apartment was smaller than the closet in the model. she moved in and then came into the rental office to complain and i was like *oh crap!* because the manager had stressed that we needed to tell potential residents that fact.  the resident was not happy at all and i felt like she felt i had lied to her.  i had no idea what the manager would do; i was sure i was going to get fired and i got so stressed i hid in the storeroom closet and cried.. haha. i can laugh about it now but at the time it was not fun. (my co-worker told the manager i was in the closet and she came in and told me it was ok and gave me a hug. she must have thought i was looney!)

even in my current job i have dropped the ball, or even put my foot in it, a few times. i'm getting better about not freaking out over mistakes, but it's also a lot easier when you have a boss that will support you and not throw you under the bus or scream at you.  the best thing is to just own up to it, apologize, and commit to rectifying the situation as best as you can. and if that's not enough?  then you've done what you can and like that old song...