Tuesday, January 28, 2014

the unintentional nerd out

so i got this on saturday:

$2.99 at best buy - what a deal!  it features commentary by cameron crowe, john cusack, and ione skye.  if tomorrow is a snow day it might be the perfect time to pop this in.  mmm.. pop... popcorn.  i like where this is going.

my imaginary shame dunce cone will probably make an appearance though.  i get to wear it sometimes when i embarrass myself or have remembrances thereof. now i've mentioned before, but i don't get embarrassed easily.  i'll be silly or do dumb things and brush it off by explaining that what just happened is because i'm so incredibly awesome.  i can trip and fall and it's all good.  i can ask what kind of animal do they use on groundhog day (what is it, like, a beaver?) and have a belly laugh at my own brain fart. (we still laugh about that one at work.)  i've dealt with anxiety for so long and had to go through enough ordeals that i pretty much have a "couldn't care less" attitude. did i just throw up in the denny's?  yup. i might be incredibly sorry, but i'm not ashamed because that's how i roll.

but. some things make me so squeamish and embarrassed that i can barely stand it.  like watching bad singers on tv. i get so embarrassed *for* them that it's physically uncomfortable for me.  and... putting my foot in my mouth, perhaps. but that's more of a "oh god, no, i said that wrong!" shame.  sometimes if i make a joke to someone i don't know well and they don't get it, and look at me like *i'm* the stupid one.. that's kind of embarrassing (and annoying).  other than that, i honestly can't think of much.  but one of the few times i got really embarrassed was when i "met" john cusack, and now every time i see one of his movies i feel the little embarrassment worm in my tum. 

it was 2001 in the spring, and i don't remember what brought us to malibu, but mark and i had driven up the coast and were looking for a place to eat.  we may have been at the getty, and i'm pretty sure we took santa monica blvd. all the way to the 1 and headed north.  if you were either of us, you'd know it takes us an age and a day to decide where to eat when we are somewhere unfamiliar. on this day we drove all around and decided on a cute cafe in a shopping center called the marmalade cafe.  about half way through our meal mark went to the restroom and i'm at the table, just eating and looking around.  and my eyes sweep over a table near the corner and catch something familiar so i look again and i realize i'm looking at john cusack and he's got his arm up on the table with his head in the crook of his arm. i tried to find a photo like that, but i know you've seen him do this because i honestly think that is how i recognized him before i recognized him - i've seen him in that position so often on the big screen.  so mark comes back to the table and i tell him and that's that. 

before long our meal is over and i need to visit the ladies, so i get up to go. after i get up, john gets up from his table and walks toward the restrooms. but because he is closer, he gets there first.  the men's is occupied, so he's waiting in the little hall, and as i'm coming up on him i do the head nod thing and go "hey," and he goes "hey." and then as i take another step my brain shoots into hyperdrive and i have this little conversation with myself:  "what did you just do? you can't just say 'hey' like you know the man - you don't know him. now you have to say something else so it will seem less weird, like the 'hey' was just a starter." so i say the first thing i think of:  "i just wanted to say that i love you in your movies."

now. that's not a terribly embarrassing and of itself.  if i was out like, at amoeba (records) and he was browsing and i was browsing and i went up and say "hey man, i love you in your movies," that would be fine. but i said "i just wanted to" like i had intended to follow him to the bathroom just so i could say my little sentence. which i didn't! he got up after me so he got there first. but the way i said it made it seem like i saw him go to the men's room and thought ooh, my opportunity has arisen, let me follow him to the bathroom!  so embarrassing.

but that's not all.

i emphasized my sentence with a double thumbs up.
i tried to find a super embarrassing dtp gif but none of them were bad enough to convey my feels.
just picture stephen's right hand doing the same thing.

i don't think i'd ever even done an un-ironic double thumbs up in my life before that moment. but i tell you now that i was in it, with full on enthusiasm. i put those two thumbs up and waved my nerd banner high in the air. he was very nice about it, kind of bobbed his head and said "oh, thank you very much." and i walked on into the ladies room, locked the door behind me, and melted to death amelie style. you didn't know a ghost was typing this, did you? i was so embarrassed i literally mouthed "OH MY GOD" to myself in the mirror and bent over to hid my face in my hands, as you do.

now, in l.a. everyone likes to pretend they're so cool and above caring, that they don't even notice that a celebrity is standing right next to them. (totally guilty of this.. haha.) and i guess, a lot of the time, the celebrities you spot really *are* no big deal.  no one's going to nerd out over alyssa milano or jennifer love hewitt (no offense, ladies.)  i've met, encountered, and spotted so many celebrities and "celebrities" that i honestly couldn't give you a list without forgetting a bunch.  unless it was someone i loved, my brain said "oh look, there's so and so, a celebrity" but my face said "tra la la, i'm not seeing this."  i *have* nerded out before (neil hannon, craig ferguson) and didn't care because i enjoyed doing it.  but this was a totally and completely an unintentional nerd out, a caught off guard over-nerd out for no reason other than i was put on the spot by my stupid brain, and i felt uber embarrassed.

when i got out he was gone and i only had my sad little story to tell. mark thought it was hilarious. and the whole ride home i kept going "oh my god!"

so.. yeah. such a stupid thing to be embarrassed about, even after all these years. i'm sure he'd had plenty of encounters like that before, but for some reason that was a doozy for me.  i think mostly because i had zero control over my brain and mouth and hand parts in that moment.  and i'm not really embarrassed to tell people my goofy story because i think it's hilarious too, but i do still feel the wiggly worm inside when i think of it.  thus, the momentary imaginary dunce hat of shame that magically appears on my head whenever i see him on tv.

who had two thumbs and an unintentional nerd out?

this moi.

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