Friday, January 31, 2014

a diatribe on hat-rassment

people, i like to wear hats when it's cold out.  i might even throw on a scarf and some gloves or mittens. that's not so strange, right?  i might have said, i like to eat food when i'm hungry.   but apparently the people in my office building think my hat-wearing is a very big deal.  i can't count the number of times i've gotten a side-eye or a comment about wearing a damn hat.  i've gotten comments both on the hats themselves and the very fact that i'm wearing anything on my head at all.

so, by now you're probably picturing something like this:

but that would be false.  (although i have to admit that this is pretty fabulous headgear. after i get done here i might be tempted to track it down on the interwebs.  i've sort of been teasing at work that i'm going to get a ski-mask and just be done with it.)

here's the sort of head covering i normally wear:


now what the heck is wrong with that? it's even got a matching scarf.  when do i ever match!  (the answer to that is not a bunch.)  see how i look so cute i thought i'd take a photo?  i pulled this one from the archives.  i was probably wearing this or something similar the day i was riding down the elevator for lunch, the doors opening on the way down to let someone in, and the lady that was waiting started in, spotted me, took a step back, and laughed, before entering.  uhm, what the hellfire is so visually disturbing about a person in a hat and scarf that you literally recoil from the sight while busting out a guffaw?  this isn't the copacabana.. it's actually cold out when i wear these things.  it's not the dog days of summer here.  maybe your seasons aren't earth seasons, but mine are and one of them is this thing called winter.  read a book.

comments usually take the form of various degrees of irony or mocking, or someone has looked at the hat so long they feel they need to make a verbal communication to me to explain the staring.  i've gotten:

  • i like your hat.
  • nice hat.
  • is it that cold?
  • you look warm.
  • that's cozy.
  • you're wearing a hat.

that last one is my favorite.  why yes, i am wearing a hat.  congratulations on your powers of observation, do you want a cookie?

i wear my dr. who hat sometimes.

when i wear it i'm sexier on the inside
which i would expect to get a comment or look here and there.  it's gotten exactly one comment.  middle-aged man asks me on the elevator (it's always on the elevator.. dude, you don't have to make small-talk, we'll be just fine), is that a dr. who hat or just a police box hat.  haha.  so i say, no, it's dr. who.  then after a good 10 seconds he goes in his kind of whiny voice, "tardisssss."  i'll just let myself out.

here's what i wore the other day which inspired this post:

^real annoyance captured by my mad photo journalism skills.

ok, it's a teeny tiny bit silly.  but it's mostly just a good old-fashioned, red-blooded winter hat.  the ear flaps are functional, people.  my head parts get cold!  there's a polar vortex out there! or is it only ok if it's in camo and i'm wearing an orange vest in the woods?  for wearing this one, i got a snide middle-aged man (a different one) in the elevator that said, "it's not that cold out."

uhm, you do know it's like 14 degrees out, right?  it's literally freezing right now.  if that's not a good time to wear a hat then i don't know when is.  is it like, negative degrees only?  or am i supposed to haul all my stuff into the lobby and put it all on there?  is it that i'm wearing it in the relatively comfortable clime of the elevator that puts you in enough of a bother that you feel the need to comment?

of course, i didn't say any of this.  i didn't say anything.  i guess i had my "i'm not hearing this" face on because i caught my co-workers giving each other the "oh no he didn't" eye, trying not to laugh, because of the i don't know how many times i've told them i get flack for my cold-weather choices.  they knew why i didn't answer.  fool thought i didn't hear him and tried again... he wanted to make sure i heard his clever observation.  so instead of doing what i wanted to do, which is scratch his face for him, i just laughed (because though i'm a badger inside, my outside is a cuddly bunny - i have to learn to balance the two better) and shot back "yeah it is!" and left it at that.  my co-workers barely made it out of there without cracking.

so, i don't know what it is about me and cold-weather gear that people like to pick on. so i like to be warm, sue me.  if i can put on a few more items and be nice and cozy walking to my car, rather than shivering and just holding it off until i can get the heat on, why is that so bad?  my co-workers said to just tell people it's because i'm from california.  but i don't want to tell people that and then they think, oh, that's why.. she's not normal like i am.  no, i'm perfectly normal, if somewhat more hedonistic than you.  you're not stronger or better than me for wearing less.  it's not because i'm from california and i can't handle the cold.   i could handle it if i had to, i just don't want to.  and i don't have to.  didn't our cave brothers and sisters fight the cold and beasts so we could be here today wearing gloves and hats? every time you shiver out in the cold when you could have put on a scarf - and you thought it was beneath you - you turn your back on their suffering.  for shame.

on a happy note, a friendly woman saw me yesterday waiting for the elevators and said jovially, "you look nice and cozy!"  and she sounded like she meant it, too.  well yes ma'am, i am nice and cozy, and thank you for appreciating that.  

No comments:

Post a Comment