it's About time

oh hai there, did you want more content to look at?  i thought so.  that's why i am so on top of things and now you have an "about" page to look at.  hooray!  i know i have been uber slow in building the rest of the blog up, but i've been more focused on the actual posts.  but i did a little extracurricular today and am pleased to share my new page, so go check that out and stay tuned for some more updates.

About 

weekend instagrams

finished my spacehog lyrics canvas.	workin' a temporary tat.
YA section at the library.  it's how i roll.	my library book bag. this is also how i roll
forgot my sunglasses.	i bought a pool for next summer. 75% off!
score!	mark's browing; i'm lounging (and reading).
sidewalk art	lime wall. (for fashion bloggers?)
it's a disease.	polish chips? fill 'em in with a contrasting color.

sheer mint and vampire peen

i'm so glad i found this summery shimmery mermaid top on sale a couple of months ago.  (i know, i know - shut up about the mermaids already.  i'm sorry.  a little.)  coupled with my cute colored pony, i thought i would get in a few photos after work of one of the last times i'll probably wear this shirt this season.  oh, so sad. 

after taking these photos, i must have spent a good solid hour on the internet reading blogs and news.  what is it about sucking up information that i am addicted to?  i look up to see it's already almost 7 and half my evening is gone.  it's especially bad at night.  i swear, the closer it gets to bedtime, the faster i click.  Looking, looking for a "hit" of something interesting to satisfy my cravings before bed.  i've even clicked to check out facebook WHILE I'M ALREADY ON IT!  who does that?

the worst time-waster is looking at recaps or articles about shows i don't even watch, like "true blood" and "game of thrones."  i can't watch them because i don't have cable, but i don't even want to watch those shows.  for me personally, they are way too graphic and violent.  i can be a real light-weight when it comes to that stuff.  (i abhor horror movies.  the scariest/goriest i can do is like, "tremors." haha..)  i have watched clips on youtube and such and they turn my stomach in a sick fascinating way.  so when i see an article about what happened on last night's show, or a new plot twist, or whatever, what do i do instead of merrily clicking on my way?  i go down the internet rabbit hole looking at what other people have to say about this stuff that i can't even watch.  what the heck is that about?  is it because of my information addiction?  my need to know what other people are doing/talking about?  but did i really need to know the details of the red wedding?  why did i watch the clip of someone slitting another person's throat?  was that necessary to my person?  what do i get out of that? 

 it's almost like i'm pushing my own envelope, seeing how far i can go before i've crossed the line.  maybe in some way i feel inferior to everyone watching.  like i'm a big baby and can't handle what other people enjoy as entertainment.  so this is my way of "participating" even though i'm not really.  is that why i also read character backgrounds and google things like "what is a direwolf"?  

so many questions, but i haven't pinpointed the answer yet.  i'm not sure it's even necessary, i just find it confusing that i can spend so much time clicking on stuff that i'm wary of, yet curious about.  i guess that's human nature.  

blouse:  a.n.a.  |  jeans/sandals:  mossimo supply co.  | 
heart pendant:  target  |  earrings:  ashby  |  bracelet:  pier 1

i'm sure anyone reading this has also fallen under the spell of the interwebs at one time or another (or maybe nightly?)  anyone else look at stuff that has no relevance to your life whatsoever?  after looking at eric from "true blood"'s nearly non-existant peen, i ended up reading about funeral home scams and green burials.  what's the weirdest thing you've ever found yourself googling out of curiosity?

the blank canvas project - #214

it's been a long, quick week.  we didn't do much, but it seems like more than enough.  momster left today, so i am back to my regularly scheduled programming of shopping, eating, and tv watching.  vacation was good, but as always, not enough of it.  

i have about a million posts a-brewing, meaning i took photos of stuff and never did anything with them.  (i also have a million crafty chores that need doing - t-shirt appliques, paintings (canvas and cabinets), bracelet fixings, sewings, etc. - that i have up in the air that i need to buckle down and finish, but those are for another day.)  but until i have some time to put together other posts, i will share this project i did, as i already wrote it up back when!

a little background:  the blank canvas project was created by erin quinn, a school teacher in calgary with amazing creativity and drive.  (i became acquainted with erin via livejournal a long, long time ago and she has always impressed me with her passion for her work, as well as side and home projects.  i obviously haven't been in her classroom, but i'm pretty sure i can safely say that her kids are lucky to have her as their teacher.)  per her website, the blank canvas project "is designed to get people to be creative and to spread positivity in their communities."  to get involved, you sign up via the page, erin sends you a mini blank canvas and easel, you do whatever creative thing you want to do to it, you put it out in the world for someone to find, and hopefully someone finds it and lets erin know what happened to it.  when i learned about this project i really wanted to participate - canvases have been left all over the world, from canada, to the u.s., seoul, nepal, and abu dhabi!  how amazing is that? 

as i mentioned, i submitted my project awhile back, so i'm going to share here what i wrote for my submission.  check out what i had to say, along with some photos - some of which weren't featured on my canvas's page (ooh, exclusives!).  you can also check out my canvas' page at the blank canvas project here:  http://www.thebcp.org/2013/03/canvas-214-outside-barnes-noble.html

I had a lot of fun doing this project.  Your envelope showed up on the day after Valentine's day and I was on a mini vacation, had gotten engaged the day before, and I was really excited to see the canvas when I got home.  I knew it was coming soon, but hadn't really thought about what I wanted to do until V-day, when my fiance and I were both having insomnia in the hotel room.. haha.  As I lay awake an idea came to me of creating a starry mountain scene, but starting with a black canvas and painting around the mountains to create their shape.  For some reason I really liked the idea of the background being connected and flowing with the foreground, just one solid piece.  I also liked the idea of using spatter techniques to create a glitter-crusted starry sky.  I really like the poem, "The Lady of Shalott," one I actually recite to combat insomnia (still learning it) and I love the Lancelot parts where Tennyson compares his gear to the stars:

The gemmy bridle glitter'd free,
Like to some branch of stars we see
Hung in the golden Galaxy.
...
As often thro' the purple night,
Below the starry clusters bright,
Some bearded meteor, trailing light,
      Moves over still Shalott.

So I had all this in my mind when deciding what to paint.  The process was pretty simple:  paint the canvas black, block off the mountain areas with masking tape, and spatter away.  I used a paper box as a "studio" to keep things clean.  I messed up and ended up doing it all over, but since the background is black, it was no problem to do that.

mail call!  it's always fun to get a package, right?

first i painted the entire canvas and easel black (omitting the sign).

masking tape to keep the "mountains" from getting star paint on them.

i set up the canvas in a box so i wouldn't splatter paint everywhere.

splattering is a messy job.

 

 I could *not* decide where to put this thing!  Finally, today, I just left it outside of Target.  I thought it was a good spot, but when I came out an hour later, it had fallen over and no one had bothered it.  I just couldn't leave it there.  So I took it back and tried the Barnes & Noble near by.  I found a little nook for it outside.  I watched for a little while, but no one really seemed interested in it.  Hopefully someone will come along and take it home.

 

so that's my project!  i know you're wondering if anyone found my canvas and checked in with erin.  to find out the answer to that question, click here:  was project #214 found?

i just want to thank erin for putting together this awesome project.  if you want to participate too, check out the blank canvas project.

by definition a crush must hurt

today's post is brought to you by gratitude.  thank you baby jesus for arranging the internet so that one can't track others who look for one on facebook, is all i have to say.  i have very recently, as in "just now", engaged in some cyber-stalking behavior.  i can't help it - i have a curious mind.  all leo-sloths do. 

♫  somewhere out there  ♫

 

and what brought on this latest bout of feverish searching?  (ok, it wasn't really feverish.  but i did have to go to several, SEVERAL, different pages before i found my victim person of interest.)  twas a crush dream that done me in.  i'm sure you all have them...  right?  (i hope i'm not the only one?)  oh, crush dreams.  how you take me back.  and do some weird, weird things to my crushes.  last night i dreamed i saw my crush from high school (spring-fall '95).  i was walking through my college campus and happened to see a hs acquaintance down the quad, and he suddenly called out crush's name and i turned around and my heart did that crush thing.  he was dirty and shaggy and looked like a homeless person who had been on the streets for a very long time.  but he hadn't.  been on the streets.  that was just his carefully cultivated "look." (wtf, dream?  why you so crazy?  in real life he was cute and tall with light glowy amber eyes.  and he liked to tease me.  oh, crush. i should have attacked you in a darkly lit corner of the gym.  i could do high school so much better now than i did the first time around.)   and of course i was still smitten in my dream because what is a crush dream if you simply don't care anymore?  and as is wont in these dreams, my crush was crushing me back, oh happy day!  (even if they are grungy and dirty and hairy.)  he begged me to go away with him and live like lovers do, and i totally kind of wanted to, but here's where the inevitable heart-breaking part comes in.. i had to say no.  mark totally interferes with my man-catching, you guys!  i always have to gently, but achingly part from my conquests with a breaking but resolute heart because i have promised myself to one man, whom i love dearly, and sadly, they are not him.  it's so hard to be torn between two lovers, i can't even tell you.  i don't know how the people on the soap operas do it.  but i am always faithful and send the latecomers away with empty hands and hearts full of woe. 

wait... i take that back.  when i interviewed damon albarn (lead singer of blur) for my famous 90s radio show, and he asked me to run away with him i took off without so much as a "smell ya later."  poor mark.  i'm sure my life as mrs. damon wasn't a very happy one though, what with all the drugs and rock angst.  (serves me right, the wench!)   it would have been nice though to have been unfaithful with someone i actually crush on in real life, such as ewan or the dashing bill nighy, but you can't control what the depths of the mind will create whilst in dreamland.  one's brain wants what it wants, no matter how bizarre.  (i appreciate the irony of my subconscious choosing damon while i would consciously choose bill nighy).

anyway, when i awoke my thoughts turned to this crush and wonderings of where he might be right now (he moved after my sophomore year), of which i have satiated my curiosity as described above.  (i love the internet.)  but is it terrible/normal that seeing he is married gave me an involuntary ping of disappointment?  as if there is any chance under xenu's great yellow sun that i would ever even see this person again, much less become involved with him.  that ship sailed in the 9th grade (and come to think of it, he was taken then too, by thumb girl* no less, ugh) and that was a one-way sailing.  not to mention i barely knew him.  not to mention that i am very happy as is with my best man person.  so why the mini-feels?  and why do i have dream crushes all the live long time?  (most of which are reoccurring.  and run the gamut from people i liked, people i despised, people i crushed on from afar, people whom i now know would not have been a good match for me, and people i barely knew.   i could write a whole n'other blog post.)  i blame the movies and tv.  and music.  and books.  stupid books.   all i can say is people are weird, and i am one of them.  one weird, swirly-brained person.

you're a little late, cat.  but i'll take your advice.

(*thumb girl was what i called crush's girlfriend.  she was one of the football team junior managers the following fall, and when i'd see her down by the bench at games i'd close one eye, hold up my thumb, and block her right out of existence.  very therapeutic, i highly recommended.  two thumbs up.  <--ahahaha.  i will go now.)

oh i'd love the ability...

the other day as i was driving home, i got to thinking about virtues. you know, the qualities a person has that makes them a good person. i like to think i have some of those (sometimes elusive) things. my core person is, i think, empathetic, honest, generous, and polite. (i hope there's more in there, but that'll do for now.) i'm not always all or even any of those things at any point in time, but i believe for the most part that, if asked, people who know me might list one or all.

look at how good i can be.

one of those virtues i thought about on the drive home was honesty. i have a history with this one. a long time ago when i was about, oh, 14, i went to a party with my mom to her friend's house by the beach. there was food, people, a pool to swim in, and a fortune teller.. *record scratch* a fortune teller? well, one of the hostess' friends told fortunes on the side and had brought with her a little stack of slips that had virtues printed on them, and you would choose from the fanned out slips, flip it over, and the woman would tell you a little bit about yourself. (or something like that, it was almost 20 years ago, people.) my little slip of paper said "honesty". and because i was less pragmatic and more romantic at that age, i thought the universe was giving me my own little goal and that would be my golden virtue. so i kept that paper (still have it) and, when i thought about it, which was not often, tried to live up to it. (funny story - when i was 23, i joined a sorority. upon initiation, each girl was told to "be" a different virtue. i was pretty far down the line, if not last, and i just knew what i would get. i kept not hearing it said, and when they got to me, yup, i was told to "be honest". so i guess someone out there thought that'd be a good time to reinforce the message) anyway, fast-forward to today and i think i am a pretty honest person, except for the times i white-lie to save someone's feelings or to get out of social obligations, which is to say i'm probably not any less honest than the average person.  i do like tricking people or stealing things out of their purses or pockets, but if i do i tell them about it right after because how else am i going to be praised for my witty or sly capers?  (i must also be part crow.)  i try to also be truthful with myself, but sometimes that can be hard when you're happier just to stick your head in the sand. or, sometimes i acknowledge my truth and then put it back on the shelf (sloth).

so i was thinking about all this as i was driving and i wondered, if i could give up one of my virtues to trade it for another, what would i pick?

well i'm not so sure about what virtue i'd give up - i'd have to think about that one - but i did decide what virtue i'd trade it in for (or in other words, what vice i'd get rid of).

here's a hint.

i need patience.

i am a totally, totally impatient person. i don't think i used to be as bad, but as i've gotten older, simply everything annoys me. old lady taking too long to write her check at the cashier stand? annoyed. (and who writes checks anymore, OMG!) people start merging into one lane way too early? annoyed. (wth are they doing!) i spill juice on the kitchen floor? annoyed. (stupid juice!) person comes back with a question i just answered in the previous e-mail? annoyed. (read the e-mail!) i don't know whether i am just a worse, meaner person or if it's ripened because of age, or what. (and age is a post for another day - i'll be 33 in a couple of weeks and man, do i feel old!)  i get annoyed by people and/or things being slow, stupid (to me), lazy (hypocrite, i know), rude (oh, this is a big, big one), loud, smelly - basically everything.

and while i try to present a pleasant attitude and face:

hello, lovely people!

inside i am:

no physical or emotional harm to anyone took place during the making of these faces.

 now, maybe this is just a little, loveable quirk of mine and my friends and family wouldn't have me any other way. (*snorts* as if.) i know no one wants to be around a hater all day long, so i do try to temper it with humor. and a lot of times that actually helps. if i didn't hiss at something at least once a day, my co-workers would wonder what was wrong with me. (the other day i turned around in my chair and sang sweetly and daintily like a disney princess, "let's all sing the murder song, sing it as we go along, scratch and stab..." and couldn't imagine any more words. they thought it was funny and i laughed and felt better.) but as fun as it is to share a side-eye with them or mark, or raise my eyebrows up to high heaven, i think i would be a happier person if i could LET THINGS GO! (reminds me of a jason falkner song, "holiday" that goes, "i'm not impressed so easily, i think i think too much you see, oh i'd love the ability to simply let things go." holler.) it's no fun being impatient and annoyed all the live long day. and i get annoyed at the stupidest things. i even get annoyed when i have to get up from my desk to go to the bathroom! i've asked my co-worker to go for me, but unfortunately that doesn't work. (that's my slothiness combining with my impatience. it takes sooo long to get up, walk down the hall, do my bidness, and walk back, and the bathroom is always dirty, and i wish i could just have a bag that i could pee at my desk and oh god, no i don't, i'm sorry, i take it back god, please don't make me pee into a bag!)


so i should probably work on that. make it a year 34 resolution. i will try to be more patient. (how does one do that, by the way?) i guess it's a good start to just acknowledge that you are being a tool, even if no one knows it. today as i was in the car at a stoplight, i turned my nose up at the radio's offerings, and plugged in my ipod, only to shout out a big UGH at the shuffle option selecting a song i didn't want. as i hit the forward button for the next song, i said out loud, "lord, give me patience," more as a frustrated, sarcastic shout out than out of any actual piety, and i kid you not, the song that came up next was "patience," by elgin park. whoa... ok, haha, so yeah. i didn't even know i had a song by that name on there. (i knew i had that album, but i'm not really good at remembering titles of songs, so i hadn't noticed this one before.) so i guess i am on the right path at least. i will try to not be so impatient and annoyed. i'm not sure how, exactly, but that's what i'll be working on. (and just in time, because the momster comes to visit next week! lol)

if you had to give up one of your virtues in order to get rid of one of your vices, what would they be?